Sink Your Teeth into These 300+ Vampire Puns and Jokes

Last Updated on June 2, 2025 by Johnny Peter

Whether you’re a fan of the supernatural or enjoy a good laugh, these 300+ vampire puns and jokes will surely tickle your funny bone.

Sink your teeth into this collection of 300+ vampire puns and jokes that are guaranteed to make your night a bit more fang-tastic.

Vampire Puns to Sink Your Teeth Into!

What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A nectarine.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was feeling a little bummed out.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog? A bloodhound.
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He wanted to keep up with the latest necks.
What did the vampire say to the waiter? “I’ll have a stake on the side”.
How do vampires like their steak cooked? Rare.
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A blood-sucker.
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He wanted to improve his “liquid assets”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Crossfit—crossing people off his list.
Why don’t vampires like fast food? They prefer their meals with a bit of a “bite”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite treat? A “blood-berry” pie.
Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his “bite”.
What do you call a vampire who is always on time? A “deadly” punctual.
Why was the vampire so good at sports? He had plenty of “bite”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite TV show? “True Blood”.
How does a vampire fix a broken heart? With a little “blood” transfusion.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? “Blood” rock.
Why did the vampire join the orchestra? He wanted to play the “vamp”.
How does a vampire keep in touch? Through “blood”-sucking social media.
What do vampires use to keep their hair in place? “Blood”-gel.
What did the vampire say after a meal? “That was fang-tastic!”.
Why did the vampire avoid the computer? He didn’t like the “byte”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of weather? A “blood”-moon eclipse.
Why did the vampire get glasses? He wanted to improve his “sight”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite social media site? “Fang-book”.
Why don’t vampires use smartphones? They prefer “long-distance” communication.
How does a vampire make friends? He “sucks” up to them.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Halloween”—it’s always a scream.
What did the vampire say to the bartender? “I’d like a Bloody Mary, hold the Mary”.
How do vampires stay in shape? They do a lot of “dead”-lifting.

Spooky Jokes That Will Give You Goosebumps!

Why did the vampire get a promotion? He was “outstanding” in his field.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit juice? “Blood” orange.
How do you know if a vampire is sick? He’s got a “bad blood”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A “blood” -mobile.
Why do vampires hate the cold? It makes their “blood” run thin.
How do vampires keep their homes clean? With a “dust-immune” vacuum.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
Why did the vampire go to therapy? He had some “serious” issues.
What’s a vampire’s favorite restaurant? The “Steak” House.
What’s a vampire’s favorite class in school? “Blood” Studies.
Why do vampires make terrible comedians? They can’t handle a “cold” audience.
How does a vampire cheer up? With a good “blood”-bath.
What do you call a vampire who loves classical music? A “count”-point.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat fast food? It wasn’t “freshly drained”.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a comedian? It’s a real “bite-sized joke.
Why did the vampire turn down the job offer? It wasn’t “dead” on arrival.
How do vampires like their eggs cooked? Sunny side up, with a bit of “blood”-sausage.
What do vampires use to clean their houses? “Blood”-stained mop.
How does a vampire stay warm? By wearing a “blood”-red sweater.
Why did the vampire move to the city? For better “draining” opportunities.
What’s a vampire’s favorite genre of movie? “Horror” -able.
How do you get a vampire to stop biting? Give him a “bite”-sized snack.
Why did the vampire sit in the front row? He wanted to be the “dead” center.
How does a vampire organize a party? With a “blood”-curdling theme.
What’s a vampire’s least favorite vegetable? Garlic because it’s a real “blood”-blocker.
Why did the vampire go to art school? To improve his “bite-sized sketches.
What do you call a vampire who likes to eat on the go? A “snack”-ula.
Why did the vampire visit the bank? To check his “blood”-count.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of math? “Algebra” it’s full of “bite-sized problems.
How does a vampire like to spend his day off? Relaxing in a “blood”-bath.

Hilarious Vampire Pick-Up Lines That Will Make You Swoon!

Are you a vampire? Because you just made my heart “race”.
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your “fangs”.
If you were a vampire, I’d let you sink your teeth into me anytime.
Do you believe in love at first bite? Or should I walk by again?
Are you a vampire? Because you’ve got me feeling a little “light-headed”.
If you were a vampire, I’d be your “coffin” companion.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Are you a vampire? Because you just “bitten” me with your charm.
Can I follow you home? Because my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
If you were a vampire, I’d happily be your “daily” snack.
Are you a vampire? Because I can’t resist your “bite”.
How about we skip dinner and go straight to the “bloody” dessert?
You must be a vampire, because every time I look at you, my heart “races”.
Is your name Dracula? Because you’ve got me “under your spell”.
Are you a vampire? Because you make my heart “skip a beat”.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself with you.
I must be a vampire hunter because I’m completely drawn to you.
Are you a vampire? Because I’d let you “bite” me anytime.
Do you have a name, or can I call you mine? Or better yet, can I call you my “vampire”?
Are you a vampire? Because I’m “dying” to be with you.
I must be a vampire because I’m “drawn” to you.
Can I be your coffin companion? I promise to keep you “company”.
Are you a vampire? Because I can’t seem to get enough of your “bite”.
Do you have a sunblock? Because you’re making me “sweat” in daylight.
If I were a vampire, would you let me “bite” you?
Are you a vampire? Because I feel like I’m in a “fang”-tasty.
Is it okay if I follow you home? Because my parents always told me to follow my “dreams”.
You must be a vampire because I feel “hooked” every time I see you.
I’d love to be your “coffin” buddy let’s share some “quality” time.
Are you a vampire? Because you’ve got me feeling all “blood”-rushed.

Creepy But Fun Vampire Jokes for Halloween!

Why did the vampire get a job at the circus? To improve his “bat” skills.
What do you call a vampire who’s a good dancer? A “boogie”-man.
What do you call a vampire who loves to cook? A “chef” in the night.
Why don’t vampires like fast food? They prefer “dead” meals.
What’s a vampire’s favorite treat on Halloween? “Blood”-suckers.
Why did the vampire take up knitting? To make himself a “bat”-tastic sweater.
What’s a vampire’s favorite game? “Hide and Scream”.
How does a vampire greet his friends? With a “fang-tastic” smile.
Why did the vampire become a banker? To handle his “blood” money.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of weather? A “bloody” storm.
What did the vampire say to the ghost? “We make quite the “pair”.
Why did the vampire join a band? To play the “bass” guitar.
How do vampires like their music? With a “spooky” beat.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A “blood” orange.
How do vampires stay healthy? With a “well-balanced” diet of blood.
What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Bat-mitton.
Why did the vampire go to the theater? To see a “blood”-curdling play.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of book? A “horror” -able novel.
Why don’t vampires ever get lost? They always follow the “blood”-trail.
How do vampires make decisions? By flipping a “blood”-coin.
What do you call a vampire who loves gardening? A “bloody” green thumb.
Why did the vampire go to the beach? To get a “blood”-tan.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of coffee? “Blood”-brew.
Why did the vampire turn down the date? He wasn’t into “blood”-relations.
How does a vampire celebrate Halloween? With a “fang-tastic” party.
What’s a vampire’s favorite instrument? The “organ”.
Why did the vampire start a band? To play some “deadly” tunes.
How do vampires prefer their steak? Rare, with a side of “blood”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite TV show? “Dracula”.
Why did the vampire fail the driving test? He couldn’t see well in the “daylight”.

Creepy and Funny Vampire Jokes for Kids!

Why did the vampire get a big bed? To fit all his “fangs”.
What did the vampire say to his date? “You make my heart go batty”.
Why did the vampire eat a light bulb? He wanted a “light” snack.
What do vampires use to brush their teeth? A “fang”-brush.
Why don’t vampires go to the beach? Because they don’t like “sun-tan”.
How do you make a vampire stop biting? Give him a “snack”.
What do vampires use to keep their hair in place? A “fang”-gel.
Why did the vampire refuse dessert? He was already “full” of blood.
What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? “Blood”-berry.
Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his “bite”-sized skills.
How do vampires get around? By “bat” -mobile.
What do you call a vampire who loves pizza? A “cheesy” vampire.
Why did the vampire go to the dentist? He needed a “fang” cleaning.
What’s a vampire’s favorite vegetable? A “blood” beet.
Why did the vampire get a bicycle? To ride around the “blood”-moon.
What do you call a vampire’s favorite kind of weather? A “blood”-storm.
How do vampires play hide and seek? They hide in the “dark”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of candy? “Blood”-sucker lollipops.
Why did the vampire get a job at the zoo? To be near his “bat”-friends.
What did the vampire say to the teacher? “I’m good at “blood”-reading”.
How does a vampire feel when it’s sunny? He’s feeling “drained”.
What do vampires use to decorate their houses? “Bat”-lights.
Why did the vampire always win at chess? He had a “good” game plan.
What’s a vampire’s favorite game? “Bat”-n-ball.
How do vampires talk to each other? Through “blood”-phones.
What’s a vampire’s favorite movie? “The Little Vampire”.
Why don’t vampires like to swim? They don’t like “blood”-drains.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
How does a vampire like his eggs cooked? With a side of “blood”-sausage.
What’s a vampire’s favorite subject in school? “Blood” Studies.

Hilarious Vampire Puns That Will Make You Laugh!

What do you call a vampire who’s a scientist? A “blood”-biologist.
Why did the vampire go to art school? To improve his “sketch” of the night.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit juice? “Blood” orange.
How does a vampire feel after a good meal? “Sanguine”.
Why did the vampire get into real estate? To find a “blood”-red home.
How do vampires keep their houses clean? With a “fang”-tastic vacuum.
What do you call a vampire who loves music? A “rock”-ula.
Why did the vampire bring a ladder to the bar? To reach the “top” shelf.
How does a vampire stay in shape? With a “deadly” workout.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of movie? “Bite”-sized films.
Why did the vampire hate the sun? It made him “blood” thirsty.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog? A “blood”-hound.
How do vampires celebrate their birthdays? With a “fang”-tastic party.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of candy? “Blood”-suckers.
Why did the vampire go to the dentist? To get his “fangs” cleaned.
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A “blood” sucker.
How does a vampire like to stay fit? With a “bat” workout.
What do you call a vampire who’s an artist? A “blood” painter.
Why did the vampire sit in the dark? To “lighten” the mood.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of juice? “Blood” orange.
Why did the vampire love the library? Because of the “dark” novels.
What do you call a vampire who loves food? A “bite” -ful eater.
How does a vampire greet his friends? With a “fang”-tastic smile.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a dog? A “blood”-hound.
Why did the vampire go to the barber? For a “fang” trim.
How does a vampire stay cool? With a “blood”-sucker fan.
What’s a vampire’s favorite music genre? “Rock”-ula.
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t “vamp”-tastic.
How do vampires avoid getting lost? By following the “blood”-trail.
What do you call a vampire who loves comedy? A “deadly” jokester.

Creepy Vampire Jokes for the Brave!

What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a newspaper? The “blood”-sports section.
Why did the vampire get in trouble at school? He was caught “draining” the classroom.
What’s a vampire’s favorite restaurant? “Bloody” Mary’s.
Why did the vampire visit the dentist? To get a “fang” check-up.
How do vampires say goodbye? “Fang” off.
What do you call a vampire who is also a doctor? A “blood”-doctor.
How does a vampire use a computer? With a “bite”-sized keyboard.
What do you call a vampire with a job at a bakery? A “batter” -ly obsessed vamp.
What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of math? Alge-bite.
How does a vampire feel during a thunderstorm? He’s “light”-headed.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of weather? A “blood”-storm.
Why don’t vampires like the beach? They prefer “shade”.
How do vampires avoid getting sunburned? With a “fang”-tastic sunscreen.
What’s a vampire’s favorite workout? Bite-sized exercises.
Why did the vampire get a ticket? For “parking” in the wrong place.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Blood”-Christmas.
How does a vampire celebrate Halloween? With a “fang”-tastic costume.
What do you call a vampire who loves baking? A “blood”-baker.
Why did the vampire go to the dentist? To get his “fangs” cleaned.
What’s a vampire’s favorite movie genre? “Fang”-tasy.
How do vampires clean their clothes? With a “blood”-stain remover.
What’s a vampire’s favorite outdoor activity? “Blood”-hiking.
Why did the vampire get a pet? To have a “fang”-tastic companion.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? “Blood” oranges.
How do vampires avoid getting bored? With “fang”-tastic hobbies.
What’s a vampire’s favorite vacation spot? “Blood”-Beach.
Why did the vampire visit the museum? To see “blood”-historical artifacts.
What do you call a vampire who loves science? A “blood”-scientist.
How does a vampire stay warm in winter? With a “fang”-tastic coat.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of pet? A “blood”-hound.

Playful Vampire Jokes That Will Make You Smile!

How do vampires keep their teeth healthy? By using “fang”-tastic toothpaste.
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? “Blood”-sucker lollipops.
Why did the vampire refuse to play sports? He was too “drained”.
What do you call a vampire who loves music? A “rock”-ula.
Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his “bite”-sized skills.
What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A “blood”-hound.
How does a vampire stay fit? With a “bat” workout.
Why did the vampire go to the zoo? To see his “bat” friends.
What’s a vampire’s favorite color? “Blood” red.
Why did the vampire get a bicycle? To ride around the “blood”-moon.
What’s a vampire’s favorite movie? “Dracula”.
How do vampires keep their homes clean? With a “fang”-tastic vacuum.
What do you call a vampire who loves gardening? A “blood”-green thumb.
Why did the vampire get a pet bat? To have a “bat”-tastic friend.
What’s a vampire’s favorite subject in school? “Blood” Studies.
How does a vampire celebrate his birthday? With a “fang”-tastic party.
What’s a vampire’s favorite vegetable? A “blood” beet.
Why did the vampire get a job at the zoo? To be near his “bat” friends.
How does a vampire make decisions? By flipping a “blood”-coin.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Blood”-Christmas.
Why did the vampire visit the dentist? To get his “fangs” cleaned.
How do vampires communicate? Through “blood”-phones.
What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert? “Blood”-berry pie.
Why did the vampire eat a light bulb? He wanted a “light” snack.
What do you call a vampire who loves movies? A “fang”-tastic film buff.
How does a vampire stay cool? With a “blood”-sucker fan.
What’s a vampire’s favorite game? “Bat”-n-ball.
Why did the vampire go to the theater? To see a “blood”-curdling play.
How do vampires stay fit? With a “deadly” workout routine.
What do you call a vampire who loves pizza? A “cheesy” vampire.

Funny Vampire Jokes for the Brave Souls!

What do you call a vampire’s favorite magazine? “Blood” Digest.
Why did the vampire go to the barber? To get a “fang” trim.
How do vampires celebrate Halloween? With a “fang”-tastic party.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of film? A “biter”-esque drama.
How does a vampire feel when he wins a prize? “Blood”-happy.
Why did the vampire go to the library? To read “dark” novels.
What do you call a vampire who’s a great cook? A “blood”-chef.
How does a vampire stay healthy? With a “balanced” diet of blood.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog? A “blood”-hound.
How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Rare, with a side of “blood”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A “blood” orange.
Why did the vampire start a band? To play some “deadly” tunes.
How does a vampire stay in shape? With a “bat” workout.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Blood”-Christmas.
How do vampires make decisions? By flipping a “blood”-coin.
Why did the vampire visit the dentist? To get his “fangs” cleaned.
What do you call a vampire who loves science? A “blood”-scientist.
How does a vampire stay warm? With a “fang”-tastic coat.
What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Bat-mitton.
What do you call a vampire’s favorite book? “Blood”-curdling horror.
How do vampires avoid getting bored? With “fang”-tastic hobbies.
Why did the vampire get a job at the bakery? To be near the “batter”.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of candy? “Blood”-sucker lollipops.
How do vampires keep their homes clean? With a “fang”-tastic vacuum.
Why did the vampire go to the theater? To see a “blood”-curdling play.
What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert? “Blood”-berry pie.
How do vampires communicate? Through “blood”-phones.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Blood”-Christmas.
Why did the vampire refuse dessert? He was already “full” of blood.
How does a vampire stay fit? With a “deadly” workout.

Witty Vampire Jokes That Will Make You Giggle!

Why don’t vampires like to play sports? They don’t want to get a “blood” -ing injury.
What do you call a vampire who likes classical music? A “blood” maestro.
Why did the vampire join a band? To play the “bass” guitar.
What’s a vampire’s favorite snack? “Blood”-sucker lollipops.
How does a vampire keep his house clean? With a “fang”-tastic vacuum.
What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A “blood”-hound.
How do vampires get around town? In a “bat” -mobile.
What’s a vampire’s favorite movie genre? “Fang”-tasy.
How do vampires celebrate their birthdays? With a “fang”-tastic party.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A “blood” orange.
How does a vampire stay in shape? With a “bat” workout.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? “Blood”-rock.
How does a vampire keep his teeth healthy? With “fang”-tastic toothpaste.
Why did the vampire go to the library? To read “dark” novels.
What do you call a vampire who loves gardening? A “blood”-green thumb.
How do vampires communicate? Through “blood”-phones.
What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert? “Blood”-berry pie.
How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Rare, with a side of “blood”.
Why did the vampire get a job at the zoo? To be near his “bat” friends.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? “Blood”-Christmas.
Why did the vampire eat a light bulb? He wanted a “light” snack.
How does a vampire make decisions? By flipping a “blood”-coin.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of pet? A “blood”-hound.
How do vampires clean their clothes? With a “blood”-stain remover.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? “Blood” oranges.
How do vampires stay cool? With a “blood”-sucker fan.
Why did the vampire go to the theater? To see a “blood”-curdling play.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of movie? “Fang”-tasy.
How does a vampire feel when he wins a prize? “Blood”-happy.
What’s a vampire’s favorite game? “Bat”-n-ball.

Fang-tastic Vampire Puns for Halloween

Why did the vampire take art classes? To work on his fang-tasy skills!
What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert? Blood pudding!
How do vampires stay fit? They love to bloody boot camp!
Why don’t vampires like garlic? It bites!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!
Why don’t vampires surf the web? Too many pop-ups!
Where do vampires keep their money? In a blood bank!
What’s a vampire’s least favorite room? The living room!
Why did the vampire get fired? He was sucking at his job!
What’s a vampire’s favorite snack? Neck-tarines!
How do vampires relax? They go for a bite to eat!
Why are vampires always so cold? They can’t warm up to anything!
What did the vampire say to his new coffin? “I’m dead tired!”
How do vampires get around town? Bloodmobiles!
What’s a vampire’s favorite animal? A bat-fly!
Why did the vampire join the circus? To be a fang-tastic performer!
How do vampires meet new people? They go neck-working!
Why did the vampire get grounded? He was a pain in the neck!
What’s a vampire’s favorite car? A blood-geon!
Why don’t vampires play sports? They always vamp out!

Clever and Short Vampire Jokes & One-Liners

What’s a vampire’s favorite dog? A blood-hound!
How do vampires write letters? With blood pens!
Why do vampires read so much? They love bite-sized books!
What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? Stake and potatoes!
What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Blood-berry gummies!
How do vampires get around? With blood-pumps!
Why are vampires such bad chefs? They can’t stomach anything solid!
What do vampires drink at the bar? Blood-weiser!
How do vampires find their way home? Bat navigation!
Why did the vampires break up? He had a crushing love bite!
How do vampires stay organized? They use crypt notes!
Why did the vampire go to therapy? He had identity issues!
Why did the vampire get bad grades? He always bites off more than he can chew!
Why don’t vampires use social media? Too many unfollowers!
How do vampires take selfies? With battery-powered cameras!
Why don’t vampires like long stories? They’re only into bite-sized tales!
How do vampires keep their hair in place? With blood gel!
Why don’t vampires play cards? They might stake their claim too hard!
Why don’t vampires play baseball? They can’t handle a bat out of hand!
What’s a vampire’s favorite vegetable? A blood-root!